Monday, September 04, 2017

Almost 30

Note: This is originally posted on my Facebook

When I turned 29 last year all I can think about is turning 30. And now it's almost here. As I near the end of my 20s there’s so much in my mind so let me share some random thoughts:
1. I’m time conscious in general but sometimes hindi mo rin talaga marerealize how time passes by until a thing or an event will remind you so. Simple stuff like na pa-obsolete na ang CD, DVD and digicam or yung mga stores sa malls na kinalakihan mo eh nag sara na. And of course mortality. May neighbor kami who passed away a few weeks ago. Hindi naman kami close pero sanay kasi ako since bata pa na nakikita ko sya sa tindahan nila nanonood ng TV lalo na sa gabi so the first night na nadaanan ko yung store nila and saw someone else watching TV, it made me sad because she’s really gone and it will never be the same again.
2. In connection to that, sometimes you won’t realize that the window of opportunity is closing because you keep on second guessing yourself thinking “next time na lang” or “someday I will” kaso lumipas na panahon wala ka naman ginagawa. One of my simple dreams before eh ma-publish sa Young Blood section ng PDI but I never tried submitting until a few weeks ago. I attempted when I was a student but I couldn't finish anything because most of the time I don’t feel confident na worthy yung sinusulat ko hanggang sa hindi na ako nag attempt pa and tuluyan na nawalan sa isipan ko until a few weeks ago kasi na realize ko na 29 years old nga pala cut off. So finally I submitted for the first and last time. Realistically I don’t think I will be chosen kasi rushed yun because I simply wanted to at least try while I’m still qualified and let's be honest that's not the foundation of a well-written and worth-reading piece. May regret ako kasi dapat noon ko pa rin talaga sinusubukan until mapili but oh well lesson learned. Seize an opportunity while you still possibly can and don’t let the fear of failure stop you from taking a chance.
3. I have a love/hate thing with social media. I’m not talking about the political divide that is very present here (that’s another issue) but more on a personal level. I love how it can connect you to people in such an accessible way. It’s good to still be a witness sa happenings sa buhay nila but downside is sometimes hindi mo rin talaga maiwasan hindi i-compare ang buhay mo sa buhay nila. I know I should not let insecurity get me but there are times I just can’t help but feel envious and say to myself “Ay buti pa sila”. I hate feeling that way kaya I try to lessen my time browsing the feed or dwell too much with certain updates. I know it's human nature but it's a feeling that you should not let take over your mindset.
4. It’s a sad reality that over the years you could grew apart with some people who were close to you at one point in your life. Walang away, walang issue pero kapag nagkita kayo nakakailang na. Worst feeling yung magkikita kayo sa jeep or a gathering and you try to strike a conversation beyond the initial kamustahan pero it’s a struggle to keep it going kasi hindi na talaga kayo click. On the flip side, I have friends na kahit once a year lang kayo nagkikita or even years apart eh parang walang nagbago. You are so comfortable with each other as if kahapon lang kayo huli nagkita.
5. Nostalgia is a nice feeling. Na-appreciate mo yung mga bagay na dati you just take for granted. But it’s a double edged sword kasi nostalgia can also blind you from appreciating the present. May mentality din kasi tayo na “mas mabuti pa dati” pero minsan hindi naman yun totally totoo kasi may tendency tayo na naaalala lang natin yung positive highlight ng past kaya naro-romanticize natin yun. If you are struggling at present, the past glory of course would look better. But struggling is necessary to achieve glory. Looking back should never keep you from moving forward.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Yes, i Can't Shut Up About It!

In less than 2 months, I will turn THIRTY YEARS OLD. Honestly last year all I can think about is turning 30 this year. Just see the previous posts I had.   I tried my best to contain my insecurities but dear Lord I can't help but feel like a loser. Sometimes I think I'm okay then some minor thing would pop up out of nowhere and trigger these emotions yet again. I'm not gonna l that where I am right now is truly my fault. I played it safe. So afraid to make a  move. So afraid to take a risk. Too lazy. No one to blame but myself.
But reaching this milestone age should give  me the push to do better in life. Stop whining. Do something. Take a risk. Stop fearing the world HASSLE. Just stop

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Reflect



I seriously need time to reflect. Turning 30 this year and I'm freaking out. I'm nowhere near my life goals. I'm constantly worried about how my life in general. Nine years since I graduated from college and one thing I really missed is my idealism. I’ve felt this beaten long ago but I refused to acknowledge it because choosing to do so could be the start of something that I will regret in the long run. It’s a feeling that I’ve been trying to shrug off as just a phase but I just can’t deny it anymore. Nine years ago, I had a game plan on how I will live my life and at present I’m nowhere near what was my dream before. “Was’ because right now I don’t feel that it’s my dream anymore. I don’t feel the same drive and enthusiasm that I used to have. I won’t deny that at one point my life I regretted some of my past decisions that were fueled by passion. I wish I was more practical and realistic back then. Maybe if I were that kind of person I wouldn’t feel this way anymore. However if I look back during those times and if I ask myself did I regret having those memories? I can honestly say that the answer is no. I had the time of my life and I learned so many lessons. Truth be told, maybe it is part of the reason why I feel this way right now. I’ve set myself up for disappointment. Maybe it’s not yet late, maybe I could still be that optimistic fresh graduate that I used to be. But right now I’m struggling to hold on what little drive that I still have inside

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

I'm good!

Thank you the concerned person who commented on my last blog entry. I really appreciate it. I didn't think anyone is still reading this blog actually since I don't post often anymore and if I do, it's just full of angsT ;) But to give an update on my last entry, I'm doing good now. It turns out I had thick phlegm issues causing me to have those episodes but the doctor just prescribed me anti biotics and all is well. Than k God!

Anyway, last month this blog turned 12! It's been so long :D.  I started this blog when  I was 17 and now I will turn 30 in September! Time flies! Sometimes I still can't believe I'm already this old, I still feel a little young haha but hey growing old is a privilege and I thank God for that!

Monday, February 06, 2017

Breathe

For the second day in a row, I woke up suddenly gasping for air. It was scary. I felt suffocated. It lasted only a few seconds but it was scary. I will have  a medical check up later. I dread it so much. I know I need it but I fear that my already limited life will once again take a setback. And of course this reminded me how I hate that we don't have HMO in the company I work with. I'm afraid of getting sick because of that. I'm not protected. Still I'm afraid of leaving my job because I can honestly say that despite the lack of good benefits I love my job and I'm great at it. And it's a job that's a fit for my interest. But I hate that it isn't practical. I hate that I have regrets that I pursued a career that's not financially rewarding. I hate that I wish I took a different path. I feel so unlucky in life. Oh I know other people have it worst but right now I just feel so down. I can't catch a break.. I want to stop feeling this way. I really do. Oh Lord please guide me today. I hope my worst fears will not be realized, So worried. So stressed. So miserable.